


Let me undo you

by COTZO



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 09:04:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17241413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/COTZO/pseuds/COTZO
Summary: Because Mestizo posted One Side Love and broke my heart I thought of doing a continuation





	Let me undo you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mestizo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mestizo/gifts).



> Sorry for the mistakes, I wrote this on my phone. Happy new year guys!

Friday he had confessed his feelings for the redhead and was refused. Today was Sunday and he was still drunk, his eyes puffy from crying and his body shaking. He never felt something so shattering, so destroying. In his drunken state he thought that instead of torturing people he should heart break them. He giggled and then felt like crying again. He felt his head throbbing, bum, bum, bum. Huh, was it his head or …? He went to the door, tripping on something and almost hitting his head on the door. He opened the door and had to blink. Once, twice, thrice, he was still there, the boy who broke his heart, and he was pissed. Why was he the one pissed? Wait, what was he doing? The throbbing on his face, the fact that he was now on the floor and the door closed was a mystery. What the fuck was happening? 

“I hate you! I hate your fucking guts! Why did you have to open your fucking mouth? I hate you?”

“Redhead? Wha … But … I thought … I don’t understand anything anymore.”

“What the fuck asshole? Are you drunk?”

“Yeah … I needed it to cope … “

“Ah I hate you, you asshole! You ruined everything!”

The least he expected happened and the redhead did two things at the same time: crying and hitting him, and hitting hard, but what Tian felt were the one he loved tears. 

“I knew you liked me and I was depending on you more and more. I knew I had to stop, to put an end to this but I couldn’t and then you had to open your stupid mouth and confess. I was the happiest and saddest person alive.”

He Tian caught his fists and barely held them but the redhead didn’t struggle. He was clueless of what was happening or what Shan was saying but he decided to listen.

“Why were you sad Red?”

“Why? I’ll tell you asshole, it was because I had to say no. I didn’t want to but I had to.”

“ Had to …? Why?”

“Because I owe my mom a lot.” 

Tian was more confused then ever. He didn’t see the connection so he had to ask.

“OK, what does my confession has to do with your mom?” 

“You broke my heart asshole!”

What? But wasn’t he the one brokenhearted? Why was the redhead also? He was so confused, and probably it could be seen on his face because Shan continued.

“I never wanted to see your eyes hollow in front of me, I never wanted to say no, but I was a coward because I couldn’t say yes either. My pop is in prison, we barely have money to live a day to another but everything I have I owe it to my mom. She is my hero and I owe her a family, I owe her grandchildren and I owe her a better life. I could always sacrifice what I want, even school, even cooking, for what she needs because she sacrificed all for my sake.”

The redhead was not crying any more but he was shaking, hovering over Tian and looking him straight in his eyes while he was talking. Tian didn’t know if the wetness from his face was his or the others but he didn’t care any more. He was being rejected again, with an explication this time but it was stull a rejection. It hurt, the alcohol was not doing it’s job any more so he tried to get up and get another glass of whisky.

“Oh no you don’t you asshole! You owe me! You owe me to listen!”

“Why?”

“Because I have given up on you, on … “

“On?”

“On us you asshole.” 

“Us? But .. “

“Listen to the end you jerk! I have given up, on you, on us, on everything! I had to! I owned my mom so I didn’t care about my happiness any more! You have to understand!”

Tian didn’t understand, he didn’t owe anyone, no one cared for him, no one sacrificed for him, but seeing Shan’s pained expression he started to understand. 

“So when I rejected you, I lost a part of myself that I didn’t know I had, but I HAD TOO! I thought I hide myself well, I talked with mom and laughed with her, cooked dinner and kissed her good night. You know what she asked me in the morning? If one of my friends died because I’m dead since the day before. She saw through everything, through my smiles, my laughter, all of it! And why? BECAUSE YOU FUCKING HAD TO ASK!”

He was crying again, sobbing and trembling. Tian hurt because of him, because of his helplessness, because he did not know what to do to make the boy better. 

“Tell me what to do Shan and I’ll do it but don’t tell me to take my words back because … “ 

“Because what Tian? What? YOU RUINED ME! I wanted to keep you close, I wanted to keep lying to myself and do what’s right for my mother and … and … “ 

A small whine could be heard and the shaken turned his arms into jelly. He fell on the man under him and cried hard. 

“I didn’t want to say no Tian! But I could not say yes and then you did this face of hurt, of pain, and I felt it too. I had to tell my mom everything and it hurt less then your pained face, you absolute asshole!” 

“You did what?”

Somehow Shan words frightened him, the unknown reaction oh his mother scaring him more than many events from his past. He somehow hopped that there was still a chance but now …

“I had too. I told her about the fights and the bully, I told her how you helped me, I told her all.”

“What did she say?”

“She asked me if I thought she was stupid.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she said that she knew there was something going on between us and that she waited until I told her. And then asked me if I thought that she wanted me to be unhappy, if I thought that she raised me so I would pretend and lie. And when I asked her about not being worried about grandchildren, do you fucking know what she said? THAT THERE IS ALWAYS A CHILD AT THE ORPHANAGE THAT IS WAITING FOR A LOVING PARENT.”

Tian was out of words, what his mom said was to good to be true. Was it her acceptance? Did Shan understand it that way? What did that made them? 

“Redhead, what … why … uhhh I’m still a little drunk. Why did you come here?”

“I’m here to undo my deeds.”

He lift his head, looked at the black eyes and kissed him. The rest of the night was in a blur, between kisses and touches, forgotten words and tears. 

The next day Tian tried to wake his redhead up ( HIS!!! ) but all he got was a muffled voice. “

Tian, my hips hurt and my back is killing me. Shut the fuck up and let me sleep. We will talk later.”


End file.
